In today’s episode, we are going to talk about all the excuses that we give abusers. I’ve been there, I’ve done it. My clients have done it. You are listening here. If you have been the victim of abuse, I’m sure you have given your abuser excuses, you’ve excused them in your mind to yourself, maybe to other people. And we’re here today to talk about what it looks like to make excuses for toxic relationships and let’s go ahead and debunk ’em cuz nobody’s got time for that. She yet.
- Episode 2 (about gaslighting and more):https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-2-5-signs-of-toxic-people-and-how-to-get-rid/id1662241353?i=1000592070178
- Episode 5 (Grey Rock Method): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-5-how-to-handle-narcissistic-abusers-the-grey-rock/id1662241353?i=1000594909977
Are You Making Excuses for Toxic Relationships? 9 Excuses Debunked
So here are the excuses we give abusers. Number one, he had a hard life, he had a rough childhood, whatever. Guess what guys? A lot of people go through a lot of stuff in this world and they’re not all out there abusing others. It’s unacceptable. It isn’t okay no matter what you have been through. It is not an excuse. Number two, it was my fault. I, I got him mad. Okay? No you didn’t. You might have said something that he had an emotional response to, but guess what? He gets to control what he does without emotional response. If he is out of control and can’t do that, he should seek help and not be in a relationship. It is never your fault. You cannot cause someone else to do something. People need to take accountability for their own actions. Never an excuse. Number three, they apologize.
Speaker 1: (02:37)
They said it wouldn’t ever happen again. They promised newsflash, this is part of the cycle of abuse from the last episode. It is on repeat and it will happen again and most likely it will get worse. Number four, it doesn’t happen all the time. Once is enough, it should not not happen more than one time. It shouldn’t happen at all one time. But if it happens one time, you should get out. It usually, like I just said, gets worse and it will get more frequent as time goes on. But it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t even happen once. And if it does, it’s time to remove yourself from the situation. Number five, I know they love me and I love them, okay? People who truly love you do not abuse you. Again, people who truly love you do not abuse you. They may convince you that they do.
Speaker 1: (03:31)
They may have you believe that this is just, you know, part of them and they’re gonna do better. But they love you. They love you, they love you, okay? Love does not look like pain. Love does not look like pain despite what some of those sad songs talk about. Maybe breakups look like pain when you are in love and you are in a healthy relationship that is functioning as it should, it is not a painful relationship. Sure you may have some conflict or disagreements, but it is not abuse and there’s a difference. Number six, we have a lot of great times together. You would have even more if he wasn’t abusing you. You deserve to have great times together without abuse. That’s it. There is no excuse for abuse. I know it’s very easy to clutch onto the fun memories and they will pull at your heartstrings to make you remember those.
Speaker 1: (04:24)
But it does not make up for abuse ever. Number seven, I don’t want to because of the children, I can tell you this, children are going to be a lot more damaged if they stay in the home that has domestic abuse going on. They see it and the cycle will then continue with them where they will be used to it and think it’s okay. They could go on into abusive relationships themselves, friendships, all of the above. So you’re not only hurting yourself, you are actually hurting your children. You are not helping them by staying at all nine. Nobody else wants me Queen. Better shake that off. Look in the mirror. Yes they will. Right now though you need to focus on making sure you are out of the relationship are completely untied to this person. And this is where I can come in with helping you truly get separated where you are not connected to the person.
Speaker 1: (05:25)
Even after you are away, you can still be connected. So getting disconnected so that you can heal and you can be healthy enough to attract the right type of person who will love you, who will see you and hear you and value you and love you and trust you and not have you walk on eggshells for the rest of your life. You deserve more and you are worthy of it and you can get it. Absolutely. Now there are more reasons that are scarier reasons like you are afraid they will will hurt or kill you. Like you don’t have enough money, you literally have zero money to your name. They have all control, or you have nowhere to go in these dire, more dire situations. I encourage you to call the domestic abuse hotline at 807 9 9 7 2 3 3 and they can help you with a plan. So we have the nine typical excuses and then we have more that someone on that hotline can help you with.
Speaker 1: (06:28)
And I will, like I said, I’ll be having guests on here to talk about these things too. But in the meantime you can call 807 9 9 7 2 3 3 for support. I wanna leave you knowing there is hope. There are tons of people who get out of these situations successfully. I am one of them. I know a lot of them are my clients. There’s a lot of domestic violence unfortunately in this world. But there’s a lot of hope and a lot of people that do get out successfully and go on to thrive. And that is what I want to help you with. So if you are out of a situation and trying to figure out how to navigate, stay tuned for more episodes. And remember, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to thrive, you deserve to be loved. You’re awesome, you’re a queen. See you in the next episode, smooches and deuces.
Speaker 1: (07:25)
Girl. If you are over the lack of peace, the lack of setting boundaries, not feeling confident, questioning yourself, it is time to get some coaching. This is what I do, this is my specialty, it’s what I love. And I can help you more quickly than you think. If you wanna grab a call with me, I am offering $20 off of the first call and there are only 10 spots a week and they fill up quickly. So definitely act now if you’re interested and you can find me over @ bitlybt.ly/firstcoachingcall to set that up. I look forward to helping you go from surviving to thriving cuz you deserve to be the queen you have always been. Let’s chat.